North Shore 2: Please No

Design North Shore 2 outta the picture, haole



Did you catch that? Turtle is wearing a Chandler Surfboards T-shirt! Somebody actually made a shirt festooned with the Chandler Surfboards logo. People really, truly, love North Shore. And now some of the people who really, truly love North Shore are getting desperate to make North Shore 2, a mere 30 years after the original debuted.

No. Please stop.

Attention North Shore writer, producer, cast, and whoever it is that Turtle is threatening to round up to get the sequel moving: Don’t do this. You don’t need to make another. You’ve already succeeded where so many have failed: You made the perfect Hollywood surf movie. You have nothing to gain from returning to that trough. What are the chances that you’ll once again capture lightning in a bottle? You see all those people dressed up like North Shore characters in your promo vid? You don’t want to disappoint them do you? Where is there to go but down from such adulation? I’ll tell you where—In God’s Hands. Is that how you want us to remember North Shore 2?

North Shore succeeds in spite of itself. That’s why it’s a cult classic. That might actually be the definition of a cult classic, now that I think about it. Robbie Page in that ridiculous hat. Laird’s impossible dancing at the Halloween party. The mind-blowing editing wherein longboards were exchanged for shortboards on the same ride. The ease at which people took three strokes and made it out to the lineup at Sunset. Hans Hedemann’s bottom-turn scowl. Every word that came out of Occy’s mouth. All brilliant. And all achieved with blind luck. No way North Shore 2 accidentally gets everything right just like the original.

Very few people know all the words to a single movie, yet gather together a group of American surfers between the ages of 30 and 50 and we can easily recreate North Shore with something close to 85 percent accuracy. Think about that. This is the kind of dedication you’re messing with.

North Shore crew: You’ve already done it. You’ve made a perfect movie. Almost nobody in this life knows what it means to taste that kind of perfection, to fly that close to the sun. Just leave it there, leave it alone. Treat us mo ‘bettah.