After the Apocalypse

In case the Mayans are right...

Come dawn on Dec. 21, if the prophesied end of the world is upon us, who will survive? Photo: Frank
Civilization has crumbled. Nearly everyone you know is dead. You are stuck on the North Shore of Oahu, with one weapon of your choice. Your former friends are trying to kill you, and you don’t know why. Now you are locked in a bloody struggle for survival. What’s your next move?

SURFER presented this scenario to a panel of world-class surfers, each chosen because they possess a special skill that might increase their likelihood for post-Armageddon longevity.

OUR GOAL: DETERMINE THE LONE SURVIVOR.

THE PLAYERS & THEIR WEAPONS:

SHANE DORIAN: “I am a bowhunter, but generally I miss a lot so I wouldn’t be the winner, I don’t think.”

MICHEL BOUREZ: “I would look for a big knife, and then I would run up on the hill so I could dominate and see what’s going on from above.”

MARK HEALEY: “I’d want to go for something as powerful and safe as possible, so I’d go for a rifle—if you sit there in plain sight you’re gonna get murdered fast. But unless you have access to more shells and ammo, you’re gonna run out and then all you can do is club somebody with a rifle. So you use the rifle only when necessary.”

KELLY SLATER: “I’d take an ultra-high-volume sound weapon. Make the ears bleed. Throw the equilibrium off. Use it at close range. I’d wear full sound-proof gear to protect myself.”

JOEL TUDOR: “I have a pretty redneck background. A lot of my family are into hunting and diving—end-of-the-world-type stuff. I’m pretty well versed in all of it. But I’ve never been much of a gun person, so I’d probably just take a Hawaiian sling with me. It’s something you can fish with, and something you can fight with. Bullets go fast. A sling is more practical.”

RUSTY LONG: “My weapon of choice would be a machete, and my goal would be to stay hidden and stealth, while others hopefully kill each other off.”

STERLING SPENCER: “Being a centaur gives me a one-up on everyone. The only weapon I could grab in time would be Dane Reynolds’ Summer Teeth towel.”

KAI GARCIA: “I get a weapon, too? Pfff. I’ll take an AK-47 then. Can’t beat that. They’re good when it’s wet, they’re good in dirt, they’re powerful, and they kill. Without weapons, I could take any one of those guys. They’d have to team up—those guys are 150 pounds, I’m 220 and I’ve trained my whole life.”