"Wear a diaper."
That's good advice for anyone heading out to a Goldie Lookin' Chain show, 'cause you're likely to shit yourself laughing. The Welsh hip-hop sensation are just ridiculously wild and weird. Completely hysterical. All eight of 'em. Or was that all 23 of 'em? It's hard to count with tears of laughter streaming down your face from songs like "Your Moma's Got a Penis" and "Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do". After a recent show in LA, SURFING caught up with founding goof-ball Chon Ben-Wa, also known as Mr. Love Eggs, or, even better known as just "Eggsy." —Nathan Myers
EDITOR'S WARNING: The following interview is rated PG-13; reader discretion is advised. Also, be aware the Mr. Love Eggs is a habitual joker. Don't believe a thing he says. OK, role tape.
SURFING Magazine: How'd the show last night go?
Goldie Lookin’ Chain: Really good, blad. It's funny coming to America, because to tell the truth, it's funny just going out in Newport [Wales] to do a show in Bristol or something, so when you get as far out as Japan or America it's f–king crazy man. But good fun.
SURFING: Is it a surprise to see a big turn-out over here?
G.L.C: Yeah, people are getting really into it. Laughing and hyping. It's surreal. Very surreal.
SURFING: What's your safety factor?
G.L.C: My safety factor's pretty good. Have you got the top troms?
SURFING: Hey, I don't even know what I'm saying? What the hell are you talking about?
G.L.C: Oh, yeah, it's like a card game, and they've got pictures of trucks or animals or whatever. And it'll be like, number of legs: 2. Strength: 10. And then you compare them against each other and see which one wins. It's a game. We did our own version on the website with, like, safety factor and weed tolerance. My weed tolerance is a bit low, compared to the other boys, but I'm giving it a go. In fact, I'm trying to get high as we speak.
SURFING: Alright. Hey, I keep hearing about everyone using Welsh slang after they hear you guys' music. Gimme some examples.
G.L.C: Safe is a good one. If you're safe, you're all good. Blad is, like, something you call your mates, your friends. F–king wicked, you know, that's good. Out of your bells, you know, if you get wrecked on booze and you end up having a whitey. You know what a whitey is? A whitey's is you, go out, have twelve cans of beer, go home, smoke a bong, and you suddenly spin out so you throw up all over the place — that's having a whitey. That's a good one. I'm borderline whitey today. But it's all in the name of fun.
SURFING: So I won't even ask what you guys do for entertainment when you're on the road…
G.L.C: Oh my god. It's a friggin' smoke chamber on wheels basically. You get on a bus and everyone starts blazing, and everyone gets really high. Then you punch each other for twenty minutes until you go for a lie down and everyone goes to sleep for a bit. It's all very primal, you know. It's a lot of fun. You should come along. If you like smoking weed and getting punched by other men, get on board the A-Team van.
SURFING: Yeah, sounds wicked, blad. You guys must all know each other from way back, then?
G.L.C: Yeah, we've all been mates for years. Unless you're from the press, then we tell 'em we all just met last year after going to stage school together. And the record company formed us. No, no, we've all known each other for years. [Coughing fit] Woah, this weed's really good. Sorry about that. It's makes it really fun though. Like, when you surf, you go off with a load of mates and you go out, it's just brilliant cause you're kinda working but you're with your friends as well. It's good. It's really good.
SURFING: You've been on the road for a while.
G.L.C: Yeah, I've forgotten what my family looks like now. I'm just alone, so alone in a foreign country.
SURFING: What about the music; where do your songs come from?
G.L.C: Chaos is what it comes from. I mean, hip hop is the initial thing, when people say, what is it, it's hip hop, but there's a lot of other influences coming in. Mainly the other influences or smoking weed and looking at brightly colored stuff and laughing at it for twenty minutes. Oh, look at that, that's funny. Yeah, mild drug abuse is a good one.
SURFING: What about when you're writing songs? Are you freestylin', or are you writing it down?
G.L.C: It's a bit of everything. It's the chaos theory. We'll hook up a beat, then we'll start blazing, then we'll start hitting each other and laughing for a bit, and then someone goes, 'hey, I've got an idea, I'm gonna do some swear words.' And you'll go, 'ya, great, come on!' And then it kinda all falls together. It's chaos. That's what's so fun about it. The whole thing is chaos. It's like a really bad version of Earth, Wind and Fire if you gave them acid and made them do a live show. Good fun.
SURFING: There's eight on you on stage, right?
G.L.C: Well, yeah, for stuff like this tour there's eight main members, but back home it's really kicking off and we're doing really well, so then we're getting like all 23 of us up there. Most we've had is about 20 on stage and that's fantastic. It's outrageous. F–king ridiculous. But someone somewhere is paying for it, so I'm not going to complain.
SURFING: Sounds like you're having fun. How did this madness all start out?
G.L.C: We had this thing called the Studio Recorder 60, like, you know when you had the shit computer in the '80s and you had to load tapes in to play the games. I had this Studio Recorder 60, it was made in the '50s or something and it was really heavy. But I'd tape TV shows with it, then play them back and overdub my own swear words over the top. So that was really good. A very primal version of what Public Enemy were doing at about the same time.
SURFING: And you just knew it would eventually blow up?
G.L.C: Oh yeah, it was always planned. This whole thing. I knew my destiny. Start with studio recorder 60, and tomorrow I'll have the whole recording industry. Fantastic. It has been very funny. I mean all this stuff is going on, we've been doing it for ages, and then all of a sudden people like it and they want to come see it. That's very funny. They have a laugh watching it, and we have a laugh just going, 'what the fuck is going on here.' So it's good.
SURFING: You gonna buy some real gold chains now?
G.L.C: Oh, no. Strictly business. Goldie Lookin Chains all the way, mate. Plastic all the way. If you get the wrong type it stains your t-shirt and puts a green mark on your neck, which is kinda like a badge of honor. But it's also really good to get the plastic ones because we've had a lot of eye damage. If you're wearing the big pendant and jumping around on stage that's gonna catch you in the eye. You could break your nose wearing the wrong stuff.