(Click on the highlighted text to see photographic examples of just what our fashion expert is talking about)
In the world of pro surfing, there are many fashion no-no's, faux-pas, and let's face it: just plain bad taste. For every cool camouflage trend that the pro surfing world sparks, it also starts one or two that are quite forgettable. Remember wearing a wool beanie to the beach mid-summer during the late 1990's? Yeah, go ahead and deny it – we know the truth.
Well, as a special segment to SurfingTheMag.com, I am here to officially pass judgement on all the fashion and trend screw-ups of the world's best pro surfers, the surf industry, and anyone or anything else pertaining to surfing.
So let's start things off with surfing's only 6-time world champ. Kelly Slater. What in the world is up with that white wetsuit Mr. Slater? For years you seemed pretty successful dressed as a dark knight like the rest of the surfing world. But then you just had to become a little fashion style master, didn't you?
And while Kelly is putting the finishing touches on his 7th world title, one can't help but wonder what the inside of his home must look like with all the trophies he has collected over the years. Does he give them away or do they make for very odd decorations around the Slater abode?
Who knows? But what I will tell you is that some of the trophies handed out on the world tour are downright bizarre. How would you like to win your first event, get that big oversized check, and a trophy that looks like it's straight out of a yard sale?
When it comes to handing out the hardware, perhaps organizers should stick to classic trophies like the ones handed out at The Rip Curl Pro at Bell's Beach. Or take a more modern approach like the globe handed out this year at Reunion Island. Nothing looks classier than a trophy that is representative of the huge event that these surfers have just won. I mean, imagine having to try and take THIS trophy on the plane home with you.
And could we make these boys look any sillier than to put them in some of the jerseys that they currently have to wear? Whether it's horrible colors, or too many logos, the jerseys worn on the tour are just horrible. But hey, at least they no longer have to wear the dreaded pink jerseys, right?
But you know, when it comes right down to it, if they are going to hand you a big fat check for surfing, you'd probably wear just about anything. One thing though boys – when you win that event, and you are getting ready to celebrate, there are a few rules:
Celebration Rule # 1: The winner of the event deserves to be chaired up to the winners podium. And for this the American boys have been severely lacking. The Aussies do it. The Brazilians do it. For crying out loud, the GIRLS do it. Get off your butts and carry the winner to the podium!!!
Celebration Rule # 2: The celebratory champagne (or beers). First off, try to go with the good stuff. If champagne is unavailable, or the tour sponsor is a beer company then feel free to dose each other with beer. I said soak each other. Not soak yourself. Pouring beer on yourself is the equivalent to singing "Happy Birthday To Me". It just doesn't work. And it looks kinda tacky too.
Celebration Rule # 3: Don't make any bets with your buddies regarding shaving your head if you lose. Especially if you like the way your golden locks wave in the wind like our friends Luke Stedman (before, after) and Occy (before, after).
And finally, our last subject: National Pride. Cheering for your fellow countrymen is encouraged. Heck, you might even get away with wearing a cheesy hat in the right places, but for the love of surfing, I don't even think Taj could pull off a patriotic dress.