Somebody sound the crisis bugle.
Back in October, I reported that a yellow bellied
sea penis snake washed ashore in Ventura. The snakes are extremely venomous — but they are about as confrontational as the typical Canadian and their stupid penis mouths are too small to sink into human flesh. Still, the news was worth reporting because it was the first time a YBPS had been spotted this far north. It seemed rare and fleeting — the Halley’s Comet of phallic marine biology, if you will.
In the last month alone, yellow bellied penis snakes have been spotted in both Huntington and Newport Beach. As the chief expert on the subject, I am declaring this an epidemic. The bugles must be sounded.
I don’t know what happens next. Maybe the snakes realize California is a bit nicer than than their normal equatorial habitat (tried our kale?) and our beaches pretty much become the men’s locker room at 24 Hour Fitness? Maybe they don’t, and we all continue to enjoy the perks of El Niño year without having to worry about its strange and sometimes slithering side effects? That might just be the best call.
Those perks are proven in three galleries below. Except, wild card! There are four links! What could the fourth one be?