We’ve talked about the Lunada Bay Boys before.
Unlike most middle-aged members of the upper class — the majority of whom opt to join a nearby country club — the bad
grown men who are supposed to function as reasonable members of society boys of Lunada decided to form a surf gang instead. And while their peers are sipping Arnold Palmers after 18 holes, the gang is out on the streets, protecting their beloved average wave of Lunada Bay like a lion protects her young — even big cats are still technically pussies. Over the years, the LBB has evolved into the roughest and toughest wealthy middle-aged surf gang in the world.
But as a gang gains power, the target on its back expands. And the greater the gangster, the harder the fall. Like Al Capone in the past, the privilege-hardened members of LBB may soon meet their demise. Except this time, it’s not syphilis.
Or even chlamydia.
No, it’s much worse. It’s the law. A federal class action lawsuit has just been filed against the Lunada Bay Boys.
If you’re only well-versed in bird law, a class action suit means that the plaintiffs are a large group of people (ie: a class). So this isn’t just a you’re a rich asshole who slashed my tire, give me some money now thing. This is a case for everyone — even you, if you’ve ever lost sleep over not being able to surf an average wave. Cory Spencer, an El Segundo Police Officer and surfer, appears to be leading the suit and a few specific members of the gang have been named in the filings.
And of course, the federal side of it means that it was submitted to the federal court. I take issue with that.
This case does not belong in a federal court. It belongs in the courthouse of the one, the only Judge Judy. Let me explain.
Do you know what a courtroom does? It takes the flavor out of everything. It makes everything black and white, fact or fiction. It takes accounts of grown men throwing rocks at other grown men and reports it in blunt, emotionless language. Talk about unsexy.
If you really want justice served to the Lunada Bays boys, send them to Judge Judy. Seriously, just imagine them trying to explain their stance to her.
Although I’m not sure if the honorable Judy actually has any legal authority whatsoever, I can tell you this: there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that the upper-class people of Palos Verdes fear more than appearing on Judge Judy for the American masses to enjoy while eating an 11AM bowl of Hormel brand chili.
I just submitted an application through her website. Click to enlarge.
I’ll keep you updated.