Oh, Brazil! Better yet: Oi, Brazil. Even better yet: Oi Rio Pro! After three sometimes long (Gold Coast) and other times hard (Bells) events in Australia, the WSL drifted over to the land of green and yellow G-strings and good times for the 2015 Oi Rio Pro. The event started today, gifting us with the first round for both men and women. Finally, elite competitive surfing returns to Brazil! Right? Riiight? No? Shit.
Let’s face it: Brazil, and contests within her, carry a reputation. They come with stereotypes and with expectations. Some of these are valid, others are not. So let’s veer away from our normal ‘CT coverage and talk about these expectations and how they compare to reality. Shall we?
Expectation: The conditions are going to be bad. Like, real bad. Almost as bad as 17 half-assed Instagram models together in the same room talking about followers.
Reality: Some heats were good. Other heats sucked. Let’s go to the tape.
Expectation: Brazilians are going to dominate.
Reality: There were seven heats that featured a Brazilian surfer, and they ended up winning six out of those seven times.
Expectation: The fans will be crazy.
Reality: One of John John’s lemon-yellow locks was reportedly sold for R$7500.
Expectation: Filipe Toledo will figuratively kick everyone’s face.
Reality: Teeth flyin’ everywhere!
Expectation: Silvana Lina will land a rodeo flip and immediately replace Dilma Rousseff as president of Brazil.
Reality: 3.13 heat total? Shit, maybe I made that one up.
Expectation: People are bound to talk about Adriano de Souza’s tenacity.
Reality: It’s just, he wants it so bad!
Expectation: The contest will likely run again tomorrow.
Reality: I’m fat and like Caipirinhas!