It’s been ten days since the waiting period began. In those ten days, we’ve seen twelve heats of the 2015 Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast. And even though we’ve also seen twenty gritty heats of the Roxy Pro in that timespan, the ratio of heats:days still lingers in the range of people with signed record deals:asshole suburban kids who made an attempt at rapping during their high school years — oh your song about Keystone Light and beer pong didn’t set the charts on fire? I’m shocked, but at least you have that nice Honda Civic and Uber to fall back on. All up, there are still 46 heats left to run. That’s 23 hours of competition to be surfed over the next three days. In some hyperbolic circles, that might be known as staggering. But the WSL ain’t got time for hyperbole. So let’s talk realism.
Tomorrow, the Gold Coast will wake up and suss the conditions at Snapper Rocks. That will be at like 4:00 AM because the government of Queensland hasn’t gotten wise to the whole daylight savings trend just yet. But then, four hours later at 8:00 AM, the WSL will either send a heat out at Snapper Rocks or start lashing its on-site employees with a whip made out of internet cables, and the lashings will only stop when the skeletal system of the event is moved to Duranbah for an afternoon of WQS flashbacks for some and finners for others. Heats will run and they will run in a marathon-like fashion until a winner is declared on Friday afternoon and hopefully not on the squeaky pale sands of D-Bah.
Optimistic, I know.
On a more positive note, isn’t it grand to have a WSL that cares. And when I say “care,” what I mean is “have enough money to do what they always knew they wanted to do.” It almost makes you wonder how they would have played this curveball in years past. Divvy up all the prize money like it’s the 1990s? Get a big ol’ boat to do laps like it’s the 1980s? Eat a bunch of LSD and forget that there was even supposed to be a contest to begin with like it’s the 1970s? The imagination might roam through a field of endless possibility. But instead of letting it wander off into tanker-land or a sky of diamonds, let’s just be thankful that the WSL invested in a few extra days and a subsequent burst of mediocre surf. And then, let’s set up Australian bank accounts and bet our life savings on Filipe Toledo because if this thing runs at D-Bah or small Snapper…