Why Aren’t More Surfers And Celebrities Friends?

Gabriel Medina hangs out with Neymar. They pass each other brews from a boat while wake-surfing in Brazil. From the short clip I saw, it looks like they have a blast together.

Now, I'm not breaking any news here — because, clearly this isn't news — but the clip got me wondering…why don't we see more professional surfers hanging out with celebs?

Neymar da Silva Santos Junior, by the way, is one of the most famous pro soccer players on the planet (FC Barcelona and Brazilian national team). Soccer, by the way, is that sport everybody's obsessed with outside of the States. Neymar's a year older than Medina, makes about $9.5M a year and pretty much has to walk around with a life vest around his neck to keep him from drowning in pu— I mean women.

Sure, occasionally we catch wind of Danny Fuller hanging with artist/director Julian Schnabel or Mick Fanning palling around with Luke Rockhold. A Lindsey Lohan or Rihanna or Ben Stiller-type up on the North Shore filming a movie and needed someone to give them a surf lesson…but is an instructor an actual friend? I'm talking about the kind of buds that are thick as thieves. The kind of bros that toss each other cold ones on a hot South American day while wake-surfing behind a boat and maybe go to the tattoo parlor afterwards and get buddy-tats.

While Slater has always transcended our collective surf reality and did date Pam Anderson in the early 90s for a stint — plus, I'm sure hangs with all types of A-listers that he doesn't even have to brag about on social media — why, do we still not see more of it?

Like, beyond pro surfers possibly not giving a f–k, who's avoiding who? The fashion, music, art and film-world have always had a fascination with surf culture. I mean, c'mon, it's fit, handsome young men and women riding walls of moving water, usually half-naked — everybody wants to be that.

But beyond surfers' hot, sexy wrapper…are we just not interesting enough for a call-back? Do surfers still have that airhead Whoooaaaa-duuuude rep?

Is Spicoli our blackface?

If so, I propose a set-up. Match-make some dynamite alliances. But beyond just beers and boats, I'd love to see the duos up the ante. Fight for a cause together, shake up the system, wave their freak-flag high.

Potential Pairings:

Kelly Slater and Leonardo DiCaprio

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Pretty sure these guys are already Eskimo brothers, plus I feel like, environmentally, they're on the same page. If Leo's doing lunch with the Pope to discuss global warming, then I want Kelly by his side reaffirming lil Papa that sea levels are indeed rising. I want to see the two of them in matching Outerknown sailing-jackets on the bow of a ship headed toward Greenland, with steely-eyed looks of determination mixed with Christ-like mercy. Perhaps it's polar bears this week, perhaps narwhals the next. I want to see the two of them saving the world — together.

John John Florence and Jonah Hill

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Where John might lack in the outgoing, charismatic leader department, Jonah will be by his side to slam-dunk the assist. Like, what if Jonah took it upon himself to be John's mouthpiece? That might've read a little weird, but what I mean is what if when John came in for the post-heat interview, Jonah Hill just answered all Rosy's burning questions. And, per reality, answered them knowing absolutely nothing about surfing. Imagine a sweaty, raspy-voiced Hill hamming it up on the beach at Snapper going, "Rosy, the Pipelines out there were massive, but they don't call them rhino chasers for nothing, ya dig?"

Laura Enever and Sia

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Laura seems pretty damn spunky, if not willing to take some bold fashion risks. I propose she and Sia link up and spend a drug-infused creative sabbatical in a rustic cabin in Big Sur. Laura emerges for the first event on the Goldie in brilliant costume. Something wild, with feathers and sequins and tassels that she removes only moments before her heat (revealing a jersey'd-up body beneath). Under Sia's guidance, this costume trend becomes her thing for every event following.

Adriano de Souza and Bruno Mars

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Have you see those two in fedoras? The resemblance is uncanny. That's all I got with that one.

Balaram Stack and Drake

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Now, I'm not trying to pigeon-hole Bal into some kind of urban surfer hip hop ambassador just because he's from New York and wears diamond earrings, I just feel like him and Drake have similar swagger. I just feel like they could work. Pretty sure in the City they already party in similar circles, it's only a matter of time before they run into each other and find out they're best buds.