–– SAN DIEGO, CA
According to recent reports from parking lots up and down the California coast, there will "most definitely" be another El Niño this coming winter. The original source of this information has yet to be identified, but surfers throughout the west coast are feeling confident in the legitimacy of this news.
"We're going to get back-to-back El Niños! Can you believe it?" says local North County San Diego surfer, Jeff Sacks. When asked if any scientific data could corroborate his claims, he explained that his "best friend's cousin heard from his shaper, who has a buddy that used to work at NOAA, that it's going to be on, and we're in for Eddie-size waves all winter."
Jack Blane, who lives and surfs in L.A. County, told reporters that he also heard the news from a friend of a friend, and is "doing his part" to spread the word so his friends can start planning accordingly. "It makes perfect sense," says Blane of the likelihood of another El Niño season. "It's the middle of fall and I barely even need my 3/2. These conditions have El Niño written all over them." Blane continued to explain that he'd recently quit his job, purchased a van, and ordered a custom 10'6" Christenson in preparation for the "mondo swells" that are "probably already on their way."
Other surfers are finding clues of a repeat El Niño through even less scientific sources. "I swear to god I was just at P.F. Changs with my girlfriend, and my fortune cookie told me 'Good things will come to you in the near future'," says San Clemente native Rob Willow. "I mean, it was pretty obvious what the cookie was talking about. It gave me the chills."
Following up on the rumors, reporters turned to Cathy Drum, a scientist at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), to confirm that there will, in fact, be another El Niño this year. "That is 100 percent incorrect," Drum emphasized in an email. "There is absolutely no scientific evidence that even hints that this will be another El Niño year. In fact, it's looking like it will be a La Niña, which could mean drier, colder conditions and smaller waves"
When local Santa Barbara surfer Robert Carlyle was told of Drum's statement about the rumors, his response was: "So you're saying there's a chance?"
[Editor's note: "Corndogging" is a satirical column in which we take serious surf issues, dunk 'em in the ocean, and roll them around in the sand for awhile.]