The Wrong Kind of Trouble


SURFING Magazine lands on the Gold Coast for the Quiksilver Pro

By Chas Smith

This Gold Coast is, like, omg! As I sit (on a black leather couch) and type (on my white Apple MacBook) the sun is sliding over Snapper Rocks but the sky is still gorgeous blue and the waves are still peeling, peeling, peeling to shore. The air is as warm as an overweight lady hug. There are strange pine trees lining the beach pointing their needles toward the sky. And the silhouette of Surfers Paradise floats in the distance along with some clouds. Ooo-ee!

I share an apartment with super rad Surfing (Magazine) photographer Nate Lawrence. It is as close to Snapper as can be. And our deck is big enough for a David Guetta party featuring Akon or even Kelly Rowland. It is big enough for trouble. Last night I drove all the way to Surfers Paradise (from Coolangatta) for the ASP banquet. Everyone was dressed in their finest except for me. I was wearing jeans cuffed high, Vans smashed at the heel and a billowing unbuttoned crepe baby blue shirt. A door girl asked my name and I said, "Chas Smith." She looked me up and down before saying, "You are not getting in. You are the wrong kind of trouble." I sat outside Gold Coast Convention Center with tears in my eyes. It was so modern and so cavernous! Today is a new day but that door girl was right.

D'bah, Snapper, Kirra, etc. etc. Along with Hawaii and California this Gold Coast is, like, wtf! Totally synonymous with surf! Mick is from here and Josh Kerr and Bede (I think) and Dingo (for sure). There are surf shops on every corner and billboards of Joel Parkinson above every roundabout. He is from here too. Kids crowd the lineups and drop in on other kids but there are just too many waves so nobody cares. Just kidding! They all care and flip each other off! There is, in fact, a giant poster of Joel Parkinson inside Gold Coast airport flipping off every single visitor! It is almost life size!

Quiksilver has built a fantastic surfer's village along the path that leads to Snapper. White tents, free Corona (for press), hot babes spraying people with sunscreen, hot babes who forgot their sunscreen (so brown!) and a nice Quiksilver Pro Landrover Defender (Landrover is a sponsor). Earlier I wandered through, collected my press pass and drank tons of beer with Dane Reynolds. He told me that "surfing this wave is pretty fun but sometimes it gets gutless in the middle." And "I love it here because there is always something to do and there is always someone on your same program." And "I want to read a story you do on Bruce." It was the trials so we also watched Bruce do a nice job while losing in the semis. But he is Bruce! He doesn't need to win to be loved! He paddled in and drank more beer with us, laughing.

That is totally the right attitude for this Gold Coast. It is a giant good time. It is vapid. Our apartment has a big flat screen tv and sexy women of the 90s videos are in constant rotation. TLC's Waterfalls. Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. The Backstreet Boys' I Want It That Way.