Where’s Captain Quint when you need him?

The boat captain from Jaws would likely have his hands full if he were anywhere near Trestles right now, as officials at San Onofre State Park have confirmed the presence of two six-foot white sharks swimming south of the Power Plant near Trail One, and the military has photos of a third claimed to be between 16 and 18 feet.

According to Tuesday’s article in theSan Diego Union Tribune, local surfers and lifeguards have known of the two smaller ones for months, even nicknaming them Fluffy and Sparky. The jumbo-sized sardine is a bit surprising but, considering the still record numbers of surfers in the water, few seem to be too fazed by the warnings. (No wonder: 16 feet . . .gray . . . cruises San O’ . . .hell, give it a ukulele and it’ll fit right in.)

Obviously, the sharks have not threatened any humans yet, but considering the death of Deborah Franzman, who was fatally attacked while swimming off Avila Beach last Tuesday, officials figured it was time to warn people.

Scientists believe the sharks — which migrate along the coast between August and December — were drawn by the carcass of a whale buried on the beach two years ago. If that’s the case, they could continue to be “locals” through the holidays. Matt Walker

The author humbly apologizes to San Diego Union Tribune Staff Writers Terry Rodgers and Michael Burge for the blatant rip-off — not to mention third grade teacher Mrs. Fentress, who already punished him once for plagiarizing. He promises to stand in the corner with his arms raised for the whole recess.