Jimmicane’s Passion Picks: Teahupo’o

Jimmicane's Passion Picks for Teahupo'o

Holy crap did my J-Bay team fall apart quickly. I nailed it with Jordy and Mick but then things got shitty. Picked the wrong Hobgood, Dusty lost in Round 3, and Adriano sat right in Gabe’s way when he was about to drop a potential winning score. Dane and Bobby didn’t even show up and, well, get used to that because Dane is not going to do the tour anymore (besides Quik events) and Bobby is getting booted pretty soon here. They had a good run though. At least we can look forward to seeing Dane go on epic trips and watch the videos on Marinelayerproductions.com. At least we can read Bobby’s twitter.

Off to Teahupo’o! Where world champ contenders go to lose the title to Kelly. And what a year it’s been there. Seems like it would take a perfect storm of bad luck for this event to not go off. Been a while since we saw A+ Chopes for the main event. We are due! Here’s how it’s going down:

Kelly Slater

The old dog keeps pulling out new tricks. It’s really unbelievable to witness. Has this man sold his soul to the devil? He must have. I’m really starting to like him this year. He’s so dramatic and clutch, and he doesn’t even give a shit anymore. I’ll claim it first. Kelly will win this event and his 11th world title, despite not even showing up for J-Bay. Taj and Parko are forever doomed.

Damien Hobgood

Florida boy #2 on my picks. What makes people from Florida so damn good out here? There clearly is no correlation, but just accept it Cali bros. You’re hurting in comparison. You got nothing on the EC at Teahupo’o. OK, never mind, you have Alex Gray -- but he ain’t here. Neither is Dane.

CJ Hobgood

This is where picking your friends is fun -- ’cause they just dominate people and make you look good and not biased.

Michel Bourez

I just watched that new Transworld SURF movie, Surprise Excitement Party. I believe this man will kick your ass and he will kick Teahupo’o’s ass. Actually, he’s so nice, he would do neither, but he just might win his home event. Not many people are more comfortable out there.

Fred Patacchia

The most underrated human in professional surfing. Not his surfing, just him in general. As straightforward and real as it gets. Funny. Handsome. Passionate. And badly needing a result. Fred’s track record at Teahupo’o should be kept in mind.

Dusty Payne

I look back at my picks this year and somehow I can’t get Dusty off my team. I have too much faith in him. Did you guys see that clip of him at Pipe from last year? Good lord the boy can ride a backside barrel.

Gabe Kling

Yes he’s still on here. I will not lose the faith. Go Gabe!

Cory Lopez

Florida boy #5. I’m putting him in here because Dane isn’t coming so Cory will get another replacement slot. I love Cory but I haven’t put him on my team once this year, so that should let you know that I ain’t bullshitting with this one. A cheap option that will work out well. --Jimmicane

We’ll be watching the Billabong Pro Tahiti live when the waiting period starts on August 20th to see if Jimmicane is brilliant…or just drunk on East Koast-aid.