As it turns out, we're not poets at all around here. And when it comes to judging, you know, poetry contests, one smutty limerick is about as random as the next (no offense to all who entered, of course – we're sure yours were great). We figured it was pretty cool that a hard-charging 84-year-old surf chick was writing us dirty rhymes about Mick Fanning; so, Gertrude Box, of Seaford, NY, you're a classic.
Here she goes:
Such luck had that surfer named Mick
When he board gave him a bad flick
But when all's said and done
He can still have his fun
Cause he still has the use of his wick
ANOTHER GERT-BOX CLASSIC
There once was a surfer named Box
Who loved to surf with the jocks
But at age 82
Told, "You're too old to screw,"
Rode her surfboard right over their cocks!
This lip-thrashing Aussie is ripe
To innovate laying the pipe
He can split the curl
Of the shapeliest girl
And believe me "He’s well worth the hype."
Read up on a contest 'bout Mick
With a prize alcoholics would pick
I lust after the shoes
That will open my booze
If I win I will drink 'til I’m sick
Mick was the king of the seas,
Who’s shredded from Ireland to Belize,
But in addition to waves,
He surfed lots of babes,
And now it burns whenever he pees.
Mick Fanning is not one to beg,
Tried a floater and f-ed up his leg,
He got himself off the floor,
Returned with a roar,
But Eugene would still love a nice keg
Mick built a home with his riches
Now he’s ripping again where it pitches
My Limer-Micks this
Eugene drinks like a fish
Now give me my goodie-bag BITCHES!!
There once was this Aussie I seen,
On the beach doing something obscene,
When he whipped out his dick,
I said, "Hey aren’t you Mick?"
He said, "Nah mate, they call me Eugene."
There once was a surfer from Cooly,
Who often at the pub got unruly,
He was known ’round as Mick
But not such a prick
To have to quit drinking fully.
There once was a grom named Fanning
On one sunny day he was tanning
He just whipped it out
In front of a scout
So now Fanning they're thinking of banning