Paul Speaker, the CEO of the WSL, just quit.
Or got fired, but was gratuitously given the opportunity to hold onto his dignity and publicly say that the departure was at his own accord. Who knows? But if that is the case, I bet he got to hold onto some pretty Venice-chic WSL gear too. Like, you know those shirts that have the three letter country codes of every stop on tour? Yeah. Sweet.
As it stands, the governing body of surfing is currently without a fearless leader. There is no Kim to our Korea, no Goodell to our game. Scary times! But only if your idea of fear is the League's largest office becoming suddenly absent of a constant vocal rumble about the NFL doing this and that and the perplexed brow of a man who is still trying to figure out what the fuck the term roundhouse cutback might mean.
My idea of fear is sadness, which is why I compiled this list of potential replacements for Paul. If anybody at the WSL sees this, you can pay me by firing Gigs.
There will come a point in time when the next CEO will be sitting face-to-face with a grand American company and he or she will try to sell them the idea of advertising against a 30-minute heat featuring Ian Gouveia and Wade Glasscock at wind-whipped 4-foot Bells. Now, if anyone can pull that off, it's my boy Bernie. The GOAT could come out of retirement for one last Ponzi Scheme here.
Daryl Hall, Of Hall N Oates
Ever completely lost yourself in a Hall N Oates song? Neither have I. But, with the amount of cocaine getting tooted in the '80s, I totally get it. From rich girls to man eaters, everybody can get the hips swirlin' to some H and O. This would benefit the WSL because Daryl could break into song at any given point in any given meeting and, considering the brands that want in on the surfing market, I can outright guarantee you the deal will be met with ink. Looking at you Kind Bar!
Has there ever been a more articulate mind in surfing? An individual more obsessed with sharing the incredible joy of surfing with this earth's lovely inhabitants? A man more interested in shepherding our sport into the future instead of silently remaining one of the world's best wave sliders from the dark waters around Point Conception? No, no and no!
Any Moroccan Street Vendor
I spent my Christmas in Morocco. It's a wonderful place. You can go right until your calves fill with fire and begin to shudder and also consume very inexpensive lamb. I'd recommend it. However, if you drive away from the coast a bit, you will find cities. In those cities, you will find markets. In those markets, you will find merchants who sell mostly spices, leather and tacky objects that you might guiltily buy for your mother. But those guys are masters of the hard sell. They will serve you tea and rub your shoulders and tell you that they are not like the others - this is for friendship, not for sales - until they convince you that your refusal to purchase a rug will directly result in the death of their firstborn.
Because in eight days, he’ll be looking for a job. And he probably surfs better than Speaker, anyway.
A Successful Businessperson With Genuine Roots In Surfing And A Clear Vision To Progress The Sport Forward While Maintaining Both Authenticity And Integrity
Nah, fuck that! -Brendan Buckley