Round 2 of Mens went down today, and in the upsets category…Aw f–k it…I gotta get this off my chest because I can't be the only one that didn't see this. It's something that's been bugging me all day. And that something is Peter Mel's scarf.

Now, before I get into it, I truly believe that Peter Mel's the real-deal. The guy's got a sack like a Depression-era hobo's stick and pretty much owns Maverick's. 2011 BWT champ, 2012 Mav's Invitational Champ…I'll stop there; he's Pete f–cking Mel. And maybe Peter Mel likes scarves. I dunno, they say a cold neck is the gateway drug to frostbite. Fine, no one says that — I tried Pete!

But why? I'm banking that the WSL has a stylist who maybe said something like: "When in France — #scarfon!" or something of that nature. And we've seen shades of this in other contests. Fiji and Hawaii? Put them in aloha shirts! Somewhere chilly like Bells or J-Bay? Bundle them up like eskimos! And even before the WSL, back when GT used to get all nautical-themed with a captain's hat on the boats in Tahiti. Now: A scarf. Like a scarf makes them look more European or something. Like a scarf blends Pete into his surroundings.

I was on the beach at Hossegor today: Nobody in scarves. Not even the babes.

WSL stylist, if you exist, Peter Mel should never wear a scarf. Ever. Peter Mel should be in a leather jacket. Always. Even in the water when he's passing the mic to Fanning after he wins this bitch: A dripping wet leather jacket. Because that's what badass men like him wear. Like Brad Pitt in Fight Club or Marlon Brando in The Wild One or Mad Max and Indiana Jones (yeah it was a bomber, but leather, godammit!) Not scarves.

Mad Mel…f–k yeah.

Come to think of it, what if every WSL personality was assigned a uniform? What would Turpel wear? Or Strider? Or Pottz? Ronnie, you stud, you look dashing in anything, my dreams cheat on my wife at night with you. But even in my wildest dreams — never a scarf. –Beau Flemister