The Three Best Things That Happened This Week

Kelly Slater cut the taco line and got caught tortilla-handed. Photo: ShermKelly is shocked at his own prices. Photo: Sherm

Outerknown known.

After months of hype and rumors, Kelly Slater finally unveiled his clothing brand to the world. Aaaaand you can’t afford it. Well, maybe you can if you save up… Kelly made it clear that Outerknown’s product wouldn’t be born by a twill of environmentally destructive yarn at the hands of child in a sweatshop. Turns out ethics and sustainability ain’t cheap. Read the full story and a hoard of angry comments here.

Olivia Jordan Showered.

We’re advocates of hygiene over here, and so we applaud anyone who takes an initiative towards personal cleanliness. Our applause becomes an ovation when the hygienic individual becomes, say, Miss USA. Olivia Jordan just did that. So here’t to you, Liv. To you and your shower.

Dusty Payne. Photo: Corey WilsonDusty’s pain. Photo” Corey Wilson

J-Bay. Still.

Remember the 2015 WSL J-Bay Open? You should. Because it’s still happening. The swell in Africa has been lazier than a overweight lion at noon and we swear that’s the only wild animal pun we’ve made the whole entire time. We’ve been bringing you daily updates from the event and you can check out the most recent ones here and here. The event will likely finish tomorrow (South Africa time). Fret not if you’re too busy partying to watch the webcast — we’ve been told our recaps serve as a perfect hangover cure.