Happy Ending: Nobody’s Valentine

Happy Ending Valentine's DayNobody’s Valentine at Ours. Photo: Billy Morris

It’s Valentine’s Day. The one day of the year for two people to celebrate love for no reason other than just because. It’s a beautiful thing, with roses, chocolates, champagne kisses and red wine eyes — a happy ending is only inevitable. If you’ve got a significant other, good for you. Enjoy.

Now let’s talk about the poor bastards of the world. The lovelorn wolves who haven’t anyone to run with on this Fourteenth of February. This could be a sad day for those saps. They’re empty-handed in a world full of golden romance, and there ain’t nothing they can do about it but sit around and mow through an entire carton of Whitman’s chocolate sans remorse. The soul melts like an almond nougat resting on the tip of an indolent tongue.

Stop right there — it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re alone. You know what that means? You can do whatever you want. Literally, whatever you want. You want to eat a bunch of pizza and make fun of the Olympics? Do it. You wanna get blacked out in a tuxedo and pass out underneath a bridge like a well-dressed troll? Not recommended, but hey, it’s a free country right? You wanna surf Ours, the backless beast in Sydney? Go. It’s all out there, waiting for you.

Cupid may have his arrow, but you, darling, have a surfboard. Now go shoot it.