Some dogs piss on fire hydrants. Others shatter world records. This bulldog, Otto, belongs in the latter group.

Now I don’t mean to split hairs here, but this is kind of a bullshit world record. I’m a huge fan of dog world records. Huge fan. The dog that fit five tennis balls into its mouth? Brilliant. The dog that set the record for the fasted time retrieving a human from the water? Heroic. The dog that knows over 1000 words? Probably more well-spoken than I am.

But the longest human tunnel traveled through by a dog skateboarder? If they’re giving out awards for that, than I should have a whole room dedicated to my unparalleled accolades. Just off the top of my head…

-Most overweight man to land a stalefish air reverse
-Only person in the world that owns a Yanni t-shirt
-Most homeless looking individual to spend more than $1000 per month on rent
-Almost got arrested for surfing once
-Most consecutive days of sub-par sexual performances
-My ex-girlfriend’s father once sat next to Bruce Spingsteen on a plane

And I could go on. But I won’t. I’ve already said enough. Bottom line is if you’re a dog owner, do something stupid and get temporarily famous.