Apples suck, beer sucks, sex sucks, sunsets actually aren’t that cool, cheeseburgers suck, barrels suck, Conner Coffin sucks on rail, Friday nights suck, the USA sucks, the everlasting warmth of a beautiful woman’s iris sucks, grandparents suck and by the way, Jon Bon Jovi rules!

Get it? Here’s a new compilation of old footage, entitled John John sucks. It’s funny cause it’s false.